Don’t Fall Into the Apology Trap!
“Designing a presentation without an audience in mind is like writing a love letter and addressing it ‘to whom it may concern.” – Ken Haemer
“Oh, I have lost my place.” “Sorry, I missed a whole section of my talk.” “Someone must have shuffled my notes.”
Have you ever heard a speaker apologize like this? What did you think, how did you feel, and how did you react when this happened? Did you think, “Boy, is this apologizing by the speaker distracting.”? Did you feel uncomfortable that the speaker was having a hard time with his/her presentation? Did you feel angry with the speaker for wasting your time?
If you have never heard a speaker apologize like this in his/her presentation, get ready. In the near future, there is a good chance you will hear these apologies from a speaker near you!
In their book, Present Like a Pro, Cyndi Maxey and Kevin O’Connor tells us not to fall into the Apology Trap. They also talk about the consequences if you do. Some of the following information is adapted from Present Like a Pro.
There are three important reasons why you should never apologize during your presentation. They are (1) you will lose credibility for your topic, (2) you will distract the audience from your message, and (3) you will alert and probably annoy the audience with things they don’t care about.
Losing Credibility for Your Topic
Remember the boy or girl in high school that always apologized for himself or herself and sometimes for others. Did you respect this boy or girl? My guess is you did not. Maybe at the time you thought the person was a little weird and then, with age, you just felt sorry for him/her. Thoughts of his/her insecurity probably passed through your mind then as they may now.
Now picture you as a speaker apologizing in your presentation opening and/or body and/or closing. Would the confidence of the audience in you suffer? I know it would for me.
People come to see and hear you speak because they view you as the expert on your subject. They have come to learn from you. But apologizing during your presentation has the opposite affect from what you want – the audience disengages, is annoyed with you for wasting their time and very uncomfortable with you fumbling through your presentation.
On the rare occasion when your audience does notice something has gone wrong in your presentation, here is your opportunity to shine. You can actually increase your credibility as a speaker in your audience’s eyes by handling the mishap as they think a professional speaker should. Control your nervousness about the situation. People in control are admired by others. You will be admired by your audience if you simply move on righting the faux pas as best as possible. If this is not possible, you will have “Plan B” and “Plan C” ready, if necessary.
So, one reason not to apologize during your presentation is that you will lose credibility with your audience. You will also distract the audience from your message.
Distracting the Audience from Your Message
The most important goal of your presentation is to communicate your message to your audience effectively and persuasively. Apologizing during your presentation distracts the audience from your message.
I tell my public speaking clients their audience does not know when you have made a mistake until you point it out to them. So when something goes wrong in your presentation, and it will, resist the urge to point out the errors you have made.
I was witness to a presentation at my local National Speakers Association chapter meeting that was a great illustration of what to do when something goes wrong in your presentation. The computer which was projecting slides went blank. So what did the speaker do? Did he complain about it? Did he apologize to the audience for the problem? Did he stumble and falter over his words? He did nothing of the kind. When the computer went blank, he immediately gave us an small group exercise (his Plan B) which afforded the time to fix the blank screen problem.
When military special forces train, they rehearse over and over and over again, all the things that can go wrong in a military operation, and their response in all these situations.
List the situations that can arise in your presentations – blank screen, you slip and fall down, your notes are out of order, etc. If you rehearse what you would do in these situations, you will know what action you need to take to minimize or eliminate the damage. At the very least, chances are the audience will not even know something has gone wrong.
You now know that apologizing in your presentation decreases your credibility and distracts your audience from your message. If you apologize during your presentation, you will also alert your audience to things they don’t care about.
Alerting Your Audience to Things They Don’t Care About
In the words of Cyndi Maxey and Kevin O’Connor in Present Like a Pro, when things go wrong in your presentation, “It’s your problem, not theirs.” Don’t look for sympathy, acknowledgement, or solutions from the audience. The problem with your presentation delivery is yours and only yours to solve.
The audience does not care about the problems in your presentation. They only care about what is in it for them. What can they learn? Do they feel better leaving the presentation then they did when they came? What more can they learn from the speaker?
Apologizing for problems in your presentation adds unnecessary information that muddles your message. You want the audience to get your message as easy as adding 2 and 2.
You also run the better than even odds that you will annoy some or maybe even a majority of your audience. Ask yourself how hard is it to influence an audience that is annoyed with you? The answer is it is practically impossible.
So, don’t distract the audience away from your message and toward the error(s) in your presentation.
We have covered three important reasons why you should never apologize during your presentation. They are (1) you will lose credibility, (2) you will distract the audience from your message, and (3) you will alert the audience to things they basically don’t care about.
So now you know.
Don’t fall into the apology trap!
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” – Carl W. Buechner
Looking for professional services to help you significantly increase your influence with your audiences? Contact DiBartolomeo Consulting International (DCI) at info@speakleadandsucceed.com or (703) 815-1324